HOT DIGGITY DOG!

Pirate: I have some concerns and perhaps we ought to discuss them.
Me: Oh. What’s on your mind?
I see you’ve been reading Internet articles about how to deal with dogs who dig.
Me: Yes.
Pirate: Is it because of that cute new hole I started in the lily patch?
Me: Not entirely.
Pirate: Is it because David caught me digging up the gladioli?
Me: Well, not entirely.
Pirate: Is it because David fell in the hole I dug in the raspberries.
Me: Well, maybe that’s part of it.
Pirate: You aren’t still mad about the holes I dig in the lawn every spring, are you?
Me: Don’t be ridiculous! You know I’ve never been one to hold a grudge. But I do wonder why it isn’t enough for you to have the three holes we’ve allowed you to dig behind the peonies.
Pirate: What does the Internet suggest?
Me: It says you might be bored, or anxious. It says we should install electrice fences, or put balloons in your holes to scareyou when you dig, or go out in thenight and dig up all the things you bury.
Pirate: And ...
Me: It suggests that we spend more time playing with you, build you a sandbox to play in, take you to behavior classes, give up gardening when we are in your sightline, or give you to people who don’t mind a few dozen holes in their yards.
Pirate: Perhaps you should be told that, at this point in life, I’d rather not be given away.
Me: Okay.
Pirate: And I’d rather not be shocked by a fence.
Me: Okay.
Pirate: And I already know that you garden. So there’s no pint in sneaking out to do it in secret.
Me: Well, actually, I thought as much.
Pirate: What did it say about yelling and spanking your dog?
Me: It said not to bother.
Pirate: And did it say that all dogs like digging?
Me: No. It said that terriers like to dig more than any other dog.
Pirate: And I’m part terrier. Right?
Me: Well, that’s what the vet said.
Pirate: In that case, I guess I’ll have to forgive you.

One short search of the Internet, one giant defeat for humankind.