AUTHENTICALLY HAPPY

“How are you?” asked my friend last night.
I said, “fine.”
“Fine?” she queried. Possibly the scowl on my face was confusing her.
“Maybe fine with a small f,” I said. “Yes, I’m small-f fine.”
Actually, if I’d been more with it at the time, I should have said Jangled rather than fine. Big J Jangled, ringing ears, spinning head, racing thoughts, list of things to do, taxi waiting outside the door. Choir practice was over. I was on my way home to write emails. Over the next thirty-six hours I would tell a story at a concert, give two keynote speeches at different conferences and practice music for Sunday. And I would pay attention to my family, give them support, give them attention. I would pet the dog. I would water the plants. I had no time to talk about it.
“Good-bye,” I called over my shoulder. I was moving on.
“I am over-stimulated,” I said to David later. “Still, I think I’m fine.”
What does it mean to be fine? Is being fine the same as being happy? Martin Seligman writes that authentic happiness happens when three factors work together: pleasure; meaning; and engagement. I have all these three. What do I love more than music and storytelling? What could give my life more meaning than being part of a family, making a contribution, being important to others?
It’s the engagement part that got a little out of hand. I said I’d keep the choir going while the director went to Australia. A lot of people stepped forward to help. I wanted to include all of them. The result is fantastic, but it’s more work than I had imagined. I wanted to tell my stories at concerts. I didn’t pursue it because I was too busy with other things. But then people started asking me to tell stories. I didn’t realize I’d be so busy. And how many times had I wished that people would start seeking me out for keynote speeches? Conference planners pay good money for keynotes. When I agreed to do two on one Saturday I did not know I would be telling a story the night before, or leading the choir, or visiting family at the hospital.
As I write this morning, I know that I was correct in telling my friend that I was small-f fine. It was late and I was tired. Incredibly though, even though I was scowling when I said it, in the big picture, I was and am authentically capital-H HAPPY!