One second of lying on the ice after a fall is plenty. At the 10 second mark the situation has been assessed. Getting up will require a serious negotiation with Pain. Pain crushes harder than a dump truck and says, “Stay there forever.”
Wendy says “Over my dead body!” Then she summons all her living body parts, moans some cryptic directions to David, tells her right shoulder where to go, gathers her skates beneath her, and rises to her feet.
Round 1 goes to Wendy.
Pain is a foaming ocean with rising waves that pound and thunder. Four hours later Wendy says, “I should walk out of this Emergency Ward and go home where I could get a pain killer, put ice on the swelling, make a sling for this shoulder, and lie down.”
Pain says, “Stand up and I’ll make you throw up. Wait here for the doctor, or until Hell freezes as hard as skating ice.”
Emergency doc says “Wear this sling, get some ice, be grateful it is such a clean break, have David load you into the car before returning our wheelchair and take as few drugs as possible.”
Round 2 goes to Pain.
Wendy says, “I will go to work tomorrow. I’ll give lectures. I’ll counsel distressed clients. I will be photographed for glossy publications. I’ll sing a solo on Sunday. And I will do it all without those nasty narcotics.”
Pain says, “Take the drugs, lie down, cancel everything and shut up.” she rewards all efforts to prove her wrong with outrageous spasms that resemble terrorist attacks, or labour pains. Wendy breaks all her promises.
David gets to work late most days, washes hair, cooks, swabs smelly armpits, visits his mother who is having back surgery, sleeps poorly, entertains Wendy’s visitors and probably wishes he could take drugs.
Round 3 goes to Pain.
Wendy goes to the theatre. Wingfield’s Inferno is on stage. She made this commitment long before she and Pain locked horns. Pain joins her at the theatre, then lays her flat the next day.
David does not say he told her so.
Round 4 is a tie. Wingfield was worth it.
Orthopaedic specialist says Pain is crafting a nefarious plan to freeze shoulder harder than skating ice. Take drugs! Throw caution to the wind. Remove sling. Drift hand in tiny circles. Walk fingers up the wall. Find a hockey player, borrow his stick, and grab it from behind your back. Could it be that the specialist is on drugs?
David is three hours late for work.
Pain sulks in the muscles. “I’ll get you tomorrow,” she hisses.
But that is tomorrow. Today, round 5 goes to Wendy.
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