There once was a boy whose parents sent him to places where the people were deaf, mean and stupid. Take kindergarten, for example. “Hello,” said the teacher, as he untied his shoes. “What is your name?”
“Lowence,” he whispered.
“Pardon me,” said the teacher.
“Lowence!” he said louder, but not loud enough, it seemed. Because she went to her desk and got a piece of paper. “Oh,” she said. “Lawrence!”
Standing right beside him were a big tough guy named Jason and a sniveling little girl named Andrea. When the teacher was getting a Kleenex for Andrea the guy named Jason whispered, “Lowence eh? Can’t even say your own name.”
So Lowence kicked Jason, good and hard! And Jason yelled: “Owowow. He kicked me!” The teacher heard that. Now the teacher wasn’t the only adult in the classroom at the time. There was also another really mean woman, a black-haired woman who took him firmly by the arm and marched him along down to the principal’s office where he had to stand in front of a counter and talk to somebody else who also turned out to be deaf.
The mean woman said: “This boy has been violent. His teacher has sent him to see the principal.”
“Oh dear,” said the lady behind the desk. “What is your name?”
“Lowence,” he mumbled.
“Pardon me?”
“Lowence,” he said louder.
“Lawrence,” said the mean woman with the black hair.
While he waited for the principal who was busy doing other things, he crawled under a table, and when he jumped up, the table jumped too. So did a big cup of hot coffee that spilled on some other people who were waiting to see the principal. People started yelling, which was really stupid, because the whole thing was an accident.
Well, as you can probably imagine, this was a really busy time for his parents, going to meetings about his behavior and chasing after him when he ran away from school, and worrying about what ought to be done to teach him to read and getting him tested so he could qualify for special funding. Nonetheless, one Saturday morning, right when the best cartoons were on, his mother said they were going to see a speech therapist, which was really stupid because he had speech therapy at school. He did not want to go.
Later he had to admit that the morning turned out better than he expected. For one thing, his mother bought him a slush from the 7 11 on the corner, which was something she really never did. And the first thing the speech therapist made him do was look at pictures and say their names.
After they had spent some time with the pictures, rabbits, roosters, rulers and the like, she told him he had a very handsome mouth and brought a mirror so he could see it. It was a pretty handsome mouth. He grinned a little. Then she showed him her mouth, and she held it just so, open a little with her tongue curled backwards, and she made this sound: “RRRRRRR.” Actually, her mouth was quite good looking also.
Then she said something he really could not believe. You could hold your mouth just like that and make that sound too. Why don’t you try it! Come on! Try it!””
She was right. You could hold your mouth just the way she held hers, a little bit open with your tongue curled back and you could make that sound! “RRRRR!”. Even he could make that sound! He sounded like a dog who was getting his bone taken away. “RRRR!” He sounded like a tiger warning another tiger to stay out of his way. He was a pack of dogs. He was a whole zoo full of animals, all growling their heads off. He growled and growled until his mother and that lady got the giggles and made him giggle too, which made it tough to go on growling.
Then that lady said something really ridiculous. Now you can say Lawrence,” she said. “Just hold your mouth like that and growl in the middle.” This is how it will sound. It will sound like Lawrrrrrrrrrrrrrence. “
He looked into the mirror, he held his tongue just right, and then he said it, “Lawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrence!” It sounded so good that he said it again, and again. The lady said it with him. His mother said it with him. They marched when they said it. They clapped when they said it. They said it and said IT until their throats hurt.
And after that, it seemed like there weren’t so many deaf people in the world.
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